A CONFESSIONAL

Forgive me Gen Z for I have sinned.

My deepest darkest secret is that…

I want a corporate job.

In an approaching post-pandemic world where more and more people are working from home and some companies are ultimately opting to ditch their physical office spaces, I’m shaking in my boots. 

Because all I want in life is to work a corporate job. I secretly yearn for a fast-paced business environment that never allows enough time in the day to get everything done. I want to have a whole closet of business professional attire and eat shaken salads at my desk. Spending my week taking the first train in and last train out of the down town office. 

I know what you’re thinking. I sound psychotic. Some days I think the same thing. So let me clarify.

I’m not talking about cubicle-bound life.

No thank you. Think collaborative workspaces, client dinners, gym on-premises type vibes. Basically, the plot of any TV show about lawyers or tech bros. My true happiness can be found on the Google campus. 

If I had to guess I would say that my desire to go corporate is fueled by my intense love for competition and the need to continuously prove myself…which I’m working through in therapy, not to worry.

Like many facets of business, timing and trends have such a chokehold over the success of your work in marketing and advertising. The idea of having a fleeting brief window in which to act makes your actions and you as a person vital. The power you wield as an individual in those moments is almost palpable.

Thus, the appeal of working in a high pressure environment. 

And while the workplace has become (somewhat) more inclusive in terms of people outside the mold of straight white males being allowed in office, I recognize that part of what fuels me is the fact that I still feel like I don’t belong. 

Is it internalized sexism that I need to consciously unlearn? Maybe. Is it the fact that most of my business classes are dominated by male presenting people? Probably. Is it past experiences of being underestimated and belittled by my male classmates? Most definitely. 

I had an internship interview the other day and it took me over an hour just to pick my outfit. Not in the cliche sene of I didn’t know what to wear, though my entire closet had been emptied onto my bed just like every getting ready scene from an early 2000s movie. 

The reason it took me, a very capable twenty year old, so long just to get dressed is because I was so conscious of the fact that your appearance sends a message before you even open your mouth. 

Especially when it comes to women. People will justify their actions towards women based on the way we dress, the way we wear our hair, how much or little make up we wear. You know the narrative.

So after over an hour in front of the mirror, I settled on the most cookie cutter outfit I could find. I even changed my nose piercing from the rose gold hoop I love back to the basic stud. If you have your nose pierced you understand how hard this is. 

And when I never heard back from the company following my interview, I felt pretty stupid. 

But I hate being told no. 

Therefore, it’s my love-hate relationship for corporate America that makes me hope it holds on for just a few more years. I just want my chance. And a valid excuse to buy a power suit.